A Year That Has Been
by fanficfreshman
Summary: Summary: Slightly AU. Everything that happened in Season 4 still happened. We just get to find out what Quinn was up to the whole time she wasn't in Lima or in Bushwick.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Glee or any of its characters. Just borrowing them since Mr. Murphy doesn't use Santana enough or Quinn if at all.

**A Year That Has Been**

To go back to the very beginning—sophomore year in McKinley high school—would be fruitless because Quinn has done a lot of things which are either smart, silly, stupid or strange. To start at the end—senior year of high school—would be unfair to Quinn because she was so much more than her Punk Phase, Crazy Mother Kidnapper Phase and Wheelchair Phase. It would be fair and just and understandable to start at the beginning of the end—the train station.

**1.**

The first to leave the train station was, of course, Rachel. She was crying, which was understandable because her fiance and high school sweetheart just broke up with her when they were supposed to get married. He was also, it turned out, going to the Army, where she can't go after him even if she wanted to.

The last to leave the station was Quinn. The whole glee club immediately dispersed the moment Rachel's train left. Quinn was still sitting on the bench near the platform, looking at people as they arrive and leave. She could not convince herself to leave. She just missed her chance at telling Rachel how she really felt. And some part of her—the stupid crazy part, she thought gingerly—wanted to be there just in case Rachel managed to convince the driver to return to Lima. Maybe, then, Quinn would have her chance.

She clutched the Metro train ticket Rachel gave her a few days ago. She irrationally felt jealous that Santana got a picture of Rachel to put in her locker and all she got was a train ticket. If they were, as Rachel said, sort of friends, then she deserved more than a ticket.

—You gonna wait here forever, Q?

Quinn looked up and froze when she saw Santana sporting a smirk.

—The weather's nice. I don't have anything to do at home, she lied.

Santana saw through her and said, Get your shit together Fabray. Before she turned and walked away, she dropped something on Quinn's lap. Quinn saw it was Rachel's picture, the same one she gave Santana to put up in her locker during the last few weeks of school.

—It's yours. Looks like you need it.

—But I- she tried to explain.

—Thank me later.

**2.**

It was with curious eyes and creased forehead that Santana regarded a fidgety Quinn who stood in front of the Lopez house on a quiet—and _very_ early, Santana complained—Sunday morning. It was Quinn's last day in Lima.

—It's a _Sunday_. What is wrong with you?

—I know. I'm sorry but I need a favor. She kept shifting her weight from one foot to another.

—What is it? She asked, irritated and curious.

—But you have to promise not to laugh or tease or scold me about it.

—Of course I won't. She smirked, and crossed her arms over her chest. Quinn rarely asked her for anything, and she will not waste it by not getting _anything _from the blonde.

Quinn huffed. Fine.

They stood in silence for a full minute before Quinn said, IneedyoutobefriendswithRachel.

_Interesting_. Santana raised an eyebrow, Why would I?

—She needs a friend right now.

—Why me? Why don't _you _become her friend?

—I can't. Quinn sighed.

—Because?

Quinn hesitated. She looked at Santana, then at her fingers, and then back to Santana. Because I like her.

Before Santana could go on a teasing spree, Quinn came out with the explanation. She told Santana she recently found out she liked Rachel, more than a friend. She was about to confess her feelings to Rachel, that day in the train station, but she found out about the break-up and realized she couldn't tell Rachel because at that moment the girl was going through enough hurt as it is. She may have to wait for her turn.

After Quinn's long winded explanation, all Santana said was, What do you want me to do?

—Just...be close to her. You know, Quinn felt shy, as she brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear, make her feel she has friend in you.

—So you want me to be close to her so you could stalk her?

—That's not-

—Fine, Fabray. I'll do this only because I think you're going to be all weepy and sad if I say no. Just for the record, this is pathetic. I think you should just go tell her.

—You know I can't.

—Why?

—She needs a friend right now, Santana. Not someone who has a big lesbian crush on her who turns into a mess whenever she's close.

Santana smirked at Quinn's confession. I knew you got it bad for that dwarf.

—Hey.

—Fine. Santana nodded. Done.

Quinn was about to thank her friend but she already turned her back, walking towards her house to get back to sleep. Before Quinn could leave, Santana shouted, Next time let's do this on the phone instead Q.

**3.**

—Q, guess what, Britt's the new vice Rachel of the glee club.

—The what?

—Vice Rachel. I know you're going to ask who _the_ New Rachel is, thinking maybe this time you could get to date the _right_ Rachel, but sorry, Blaine's the New Rachel.

—Shut up. Just tell me how she is.

—For the record, I still think this _is_ pathetic. _Me _conveying all the little details about Berry's life in New York which I hear from Britt through Blaine through Kurt when you could just save us, save _me _the trouble by giving her a call.

—Santana.

—Fine. I heard Kurt's with her in New York, which I think is a vast improvement, knowing Berry can now wallow in self-pity with Lady Hummel around.

—Any word on Finn?

—No. Still MIA.

Quinn was quiet.

—This would be a perfect time for you to use the ticket, Q.

—No, it is not the right time.

—When will that be Miss Fabray? I doubt it'll ever come, knowing how much you're stalling.

Quinn hung up.

**4.**

—First of all I want to tell you how uncool it was for you to hung up on me!

—Sorry.

—For that I'm not telling you _anything _Berry related.

—Santana!

—God, Quinn, couldn't you be more pathetic?

Quinn sighed.

—They broke into Lady Hummel's office and did a makeover on Berry with Lady Hummel's boss from .

Santana heard Quinn gasp before asking, What kind of makeover?

—I would send you a picture if you say _Pretty please Santana_.

—No.

—Then I guess I'll leave you alone, so your pathetic self could wallow in self pity for not seeing how Berry looks now. She's wearing super short skirts now but with less argyle print. She still doesn't look hot but I guess it's tolerable.

Quinn sighed before saying, Pretty please Santana.

Santana couldn't stop laughing as she sent new pictures of Rachel to Quinn, who whispered, Oh god, the moment she saw Rachel in her new dance class attire. Santana decided to let her best friend have her fun and not tell her that Rachel's seeing someone from NYADA.

**5.**

For the first time in months, Quinn agreed to see Santana in _Louisville_ only because she was wailing about her "non-official break-up" with Brittany. Quinn still thought Santana was stupid to let Brittany go but for all the help Santana has given Quinn in the past months, she decided it was the least she could do. Quinn stayed with Santana at her dorm room while they went partying for three straight days. Quinn thought it was silly for Santana to drink her feelings into oblivion, considering it was _her _decision to break up. But she understood the feeling. Doing the mature thing always sucks.

As she dropped off Santana on her bed, in their third drunken night out, Santana whispered, Finn's back.

Quinn stopped.

—When?

—Last week.

—Oh.

Santana hiccupped. But don't worry, I heard they're over for real.

—You sure.

—Yep. There is one problem.

Quinn waited.

—Berry's dating a guy from NYADA.

Quinn couldn't help the frustration from showing. She dropped on the bed beside Santana. She placed a pillow over her face and screamed. Loud.

Santana didn't mind because she was already fast asleep.

**6.**

—Where have you been? I've been trying to call you in weeks. Your roommate said you're not there all the time.

Santana groaned. _Mom_ I'm busy with cheer and school and going back to Lima every week to rehearse.

This got Quinn's attention. Rehearse what?

—I'm playing Rizzo in this year's glee club musical.

—How did you get that role? Wasn't anyone available?

—Gee thanks for the support Quinn. I really appreciate it.

Quinn chuckled. I'm just surprised.

—Well, this guy they initially got to play Rizzo backed out so Finnept, who is by the way the new Mr. Schue, asked me to step in.

—So Finn's your bff now, she asked, clearly sounding amused.

—I agreed because it was an excuse to see Britt.

—Tell me, who's pathetic now? She teased.

—Shut up. You want to come to our opening night?

Quinn chuckled. Why would I want to?

—Because I heard _Berry_ and Lady Hummel are making the trip so we could all have a mini-reunion.

Quinn thought about this for a minute. I guess it's not a good idea.

—I see you're still stalling, huh.

—Santana.

—Fine. Do whatever you want. I just want you to know _we_ your _other _friends, who you are not hopelessly in love with, miss you. Mercedes really wants to see you.

—Maybe Thanksgiving.

**7.**

_Home for the holidays, just like we promised._

Quinn felt happy to be sitting at Breadstix with the closest high school friends, talking about Puck's latest pool-related exploits, Mike's performance at dance school, Mercedes' back-up singing gig, Santana's cheerleading and Finn's coaching-the-glee-club gig. She felt everyone was happy with where they were except for her, and maybe, Finn. She notice the sadness in his eyes despite the smile on his lips. It was a funny coincidence that the certain brunette they're both pining for was absent.

Quinn received an email from Rachel last week telling her she and Kurt were staying in New York for the holidays. So when Santana brought up Rachel and Kurt, she felt obliged to inform everyone about Rachel and offer an apology to Finn for what happened between him and Rachel. An apology which Santana later chastised her for giving.

—You didn't have to say sorry to him! It's not as if it was _you_ who caused that. It was that NYADA guy.

Quinn only nodded, not wanting to argue with Santana. Arguing with Santana on the phone was tiring but doing it in person is exhausting. She never wins.

—And you didn't tell me that Berry emails you.

—I doesn't matter. I don't email back.

Santana decided to let that go.

—_And _what was that about you joining a Nazi secret sorority!

—It's true, she simply replied.

—So let me get this straight. Since you can't get into Berry's lady parts you finally decided to move on and get into _other _women's pants?

Quinn blushed. Stop. You're being silly.

Santana was amused. So you're still on Rachel?

Quinn did not reply.

Santana should have guessed that Quinn's silence did not mean she agreed to her statement but it was, rather, because she disagreed but didn't want Santana to ask questions. When Santana confronted her in the choir room regarding Kitty feeding Marley laxatives, they got into an argument which brought out the truth.

—Why would I be jealous of you? Santana asked.

—Last weekend I went to Jodie Foster's clambake and that professor I was telling you about-

—You didn't tell me anything?

—I'm telling you _now_. He's thirty five smokes a pipe. Well, he's divorcing his wife who hasn't touched him for 3 years. I'm dating him.

—Wow, Twitter update. Quinn is all excited about another guy defining her life.

—And what are you excited about? Shaking pompoms in Kentucky? You want everybody to think you're such a badass when you're really just a scared little girl with low self-esteem who's to frightened to chase her dreams?

—Did Professor Patches teach you that one in between quickies on his office couch? Does he get so turned on by teen moms who barely visit their kid?

Quinn was so enraged Santana indirectly brought up Beth in their argument, she didn't think twice about slapping her across the face. Santana, naturally, retaliated with a less surprising and less forceful slap. She was still reeling from the surprise and intensity of Quinn's slap when she heard Brittany come in, asking, What are you guys doing?

Quinn was gone when Santana recovered. Quinn always was a genius slapper.

That night before the Sectionals competition, Santana came over to Quinn's house to pick her up and apologize. The apology, however, came out in the unconventional form of a question, How could you date an _old professor _when you know Berry's in New York all alone?

—She's with Kurt. And the NYADA guy.

—Still stalling, Fabray.

—Shut up.

**8.**

Although Quinn was not entirely surprised the New Directions lost Sectionals—without someone as talented as Rachel how could they _expect _to win with a Korean song—she couldn't entirely blame Marley.

Santana suggested she make the most out of this loss by texting Rachel in the pretense of informing her. Quinn refused saying it was petty and useless, knowing Blaine has probably already told Kurt and, by extension, Rachel.

—It's still a good excuse to let _her_ know _you _came back with the hope of finally seeing the newly made-over version of the love of your life.

Quinn blushed. That wasn't the reason-

—You can fool everyone Q but not me.

—Whatever.

It was a week later when Quinn found out, through Santana, of course, that Rachel got a really important invitation to perform at a competition called _Winter Showcase_. It was apparently a big deal to be invited. It was even a bigger deal to be invited as a freshman. Quinn secretly wanted to be there for Rachel but she knew she can't. First, she wasn't invited and second, being would possibly raise suspicions within Rachel and, if not her, Kurt.

On the night of the competition, Quinn thanked the entire bottle of wine—she still hated beer and wine coolers—she drank that enabled her to have the guts to send Rachel a text: _Good luck. I know you'll be great._

Quinn would later on regret drinking that same bottle because she was asleep two hours later when Rachel called her to inform her she won. She would, however, find out about Rachel's win the next evening from her conversation with Santana. It was with great regret that she looked at her phone with the words: _One Missed Call Rachel Berry 12:02am_ staring back at her. She cursed herself for her perpetual bad luck.

**9.**

—Rachel's spending the holidays _where?_

Quinn was disappointed to find out that Rachel will not be going back to Lima for Christmas. After missing the club's Thanksgiving reunion she thought, she hoped, Rachel would make the trip back for Christmas. She has not seen Rachel in months and it was killing her.

—The Rosie O'Donell Gay Holiday Cruise, Santana repeated with a chuckle. The first time she found out, through Rachel's Facebook status, she laughed so hard she fell off a chair.

—What is that?

—I don't know. Ask her.

—Santana.

—Come on, Quinn. Do you still honestly think that Berry's all-straight and that there isn't even an _iota _of possibility that she _may _also play for _our _team, considering where she probably spent all her Christmases as a child?

—I'm surprised you used _iota _in a sentence.

—And I'm not surprised you're still evading the topic.

—Santana, I told you I'm seeing someone.

—Professor Patches is still around.

—Don't call him that.

—Fine. But promise not tobring him up _ever _Q.

—Why? You talk about _your _sex life a lot but you don't hear me complain.

—Difference is, you're dating this guy to fill that Berry-shaped hole in your heart.

—Aw, Santana, that was kinda sweet.

Santana rolled her eyes even if Quinn couldn't see it.

—So how long do you plan on seeing Patches?

—I don't know.

After a moment, Santana asked, So does this mean you'll wait for the next big holiday to see Rachel?

—I guess so.

**10.**

—Q, I have to tell you something. But you have to be sitting when you receive this news?

Quinn rolled her eyes at Santana's dramatic delivery. She lied, I am sitting now. Go.

—NYADA guy got a taste of Berry's berry.

Quinn's knees buckled. She held on to a nearby table. _Here we go again._

—Sorry, Q.

—Is it serious?

Santana did not want to upset Quinn more but she knew she had to tell her now. She asked him to move in.

Quinn touched her temple, feeling the onslaught of a really big headache. _This can't be happening again. _The feeling was akin to how she felt when Rachel told her in the bathroom that Finn asked her to marry him, and that she said yes. She felt Rachel was slipping through her fingers yet again. She wanted to cry and lash out at someone at the same time.

—Is she... is she happy?

—Q, I don't really know. I just heard from Kurt, who was complaining to Mercedes about not being consulted.

Quinn closed her eyes, to keep the tears from falling. She was glad she was alone in her room. She did not want her roommate to see her come undone.

All Santana could offer was a simple, I'm really sorry about this, Quinn.

Quinn was beyond devastated. She couldn't understand why the universe kept playing its mean tricks on her and Rachel. To cushion the blow of Rachel's new relationship, Quinn continued to date her professor. As of the moment she had, she realized, no other options. At least he was smart enough not to bore her to death.

**11.**

To say that Quinn was nervous was a great understatement. She was even more fidgety than she was when in the train station a few months ago. Santana was getting irritated by Quinn's crazy mannerisms—the nail biting, the lip chewing, the leg bouncing and the incessant question-asking.

After Quinn said, What if she doesn't want to see us?, for the nth time, Santana's head turned so fast that Quinn was worried for a second it would come off just for the sheer pace of the turn. Could you please stop? You're starting to irritate me as much as Berry does. And I can't take two of you at the same time.

—Sorry, she mumbled under her breath.

Santana assured her, Berry will be happy to you, Q.

Santana received a distraught call from Kurt, asking, pleading for her—possibly Quinn, too, if she's available, Kurt added—to do an intervention for Rachel because she agreed to do a nude scene for a student film about someone's grandmother's Alzheimer's. Santana readily agreed knowing Quinn badly needed an excuse to see Rachel. Not only were they going to see Rachel, they were also going to, possibly, meet her new boyfriend.

In an effort to calm Quinn down, Santana added, Kurt's mad at Berry's boytoy because he's going around their apartment naked and sat his bare ass on one of Lady Hummel's vintage flea market chairs.

Quinn did not know whether to laugh—it was funny to imagine Kurt being mad about simple wicker chairs—or cry—this NYADA guy is _living _with Rachel. And possibly sleeping with her, too, she sadly reminded herself.

When they got to Kurt and Rachel's apartment, Kurt let them in with a grateful hug. He told them to wait for Rachel as he had to run to school to attend a meeting of a club Kurt recently joined. He left with a reminder, Please don't tell Rachel.

_Oh god oh god oh god._ Quinn was trying to get her breathing under control. She knew Rachel could come in any minute. She was so busy with panicking that she did not notice Santana looking around the place with utter curiosity.

Santana turned to Quinn, who was standing in the middle of the room. Quinn, could you please stand still?

Quinn nodded. _Get yourself together, Fabray._

And control your breathing. You sound like a dying dragon.

She was about to glare at Santana when she heard a muffled voice at the other side of the door. God, she's here.

Through gritted teeth, Santana whispered, Be cool.

When the door opened, Rachel immediately saw them and exclaimed, Oh my god, what are you doing here!

Quinn couldn't help but smile at seeing Rachel—she looked so good—and seeing her apparent elation at seeing them. She was too stunned to talk.

—Lady Hummel called begging us to do an emergency intervention.

—On who? Rachel asked.

—You. It was the first word Quinn spoke to Rachel ever since she said goodbye to her at the train station.

After the shock and surprise wore off, Santana and Quinn sat Rachel down to accomplish their immediate task. Well, it was more like Santana guiding Rachel _and _Quinn to the chairs. Rachel was a little stunned that they were doing an intervention on her. Quinn still couldn't get over the fact that she was in the same room as Rachel Berry, a really hot Rachel Berry.

—So let me get this straight, you guys came all the way to New York just to talk to me because Kurt called you?

As much as Santana wanted Rachel to know how special she is to Quinn, Santana did not want to out Quinn, who is making that task really hard because of the way she keeps staring at Rachel. She added, We're also here to shop.

—And we're here to apologize to Quinn for slapping her across the face very very hard.

—In theory. We'll see if that happens.

Santana could not help but glare at Quinn for her choice of words. It was the first time the girl spoke a full sentence ever since Rachel arrived. She would later scold Quinn saying, It was the first time you _spoke _to Berry and the first thing you do is bring up that slapping incident which _you_ started! Quinn countered with, Sorry, it was the only thing I could think to say that is not related to Rachel.

—Rachel you cannot do a nude scene.

—It's not a nude scene. It's just a topless scene.

—Same thing. Topless is as nude as anyone is ever gonna want to see you.

Quinn tried to keep herself from glaring at Santana. _Do not speak to her like that. _She wanted to slap Santana again.

—Let's say you do it. Think about the 2-2-2 rule. In two weeks how are you going to feel about the nude scene?

—You'd probably feel pretty great.

—Yeah.

—You get to feel the nice cool breeze on them skeeter bites. You'll feel refreshed even.

—Then how are you going to feel about it 2 months from now?

—Nervous. Worried it may not even be good.

—Rachel, it's a student film. It's not gonna be good.

—And two years from now, how are you going to feel about it then?

—Guilty. Just hoping my kids will never see it online.

—Oh they'll see it. And they will never be the same.

—Why am I even taking advice from you? Didn't you have a sex tape that leaked online?

—Yes I did. A sex tape that follows me around to this very day. Look my name up in the Internet right now.

—Santana Lopez Nude Lez Boobies Sex Tape Mexican or Dominican question mark.

—Boo yah. That would exist forever.

—Santana, some women find it empowering to be naked on film.

—Yes but not in a student film that is probably about someone's grandma with Alzheimer's.

—Look we care about you, Quinn said, looking at Rachel. She hoped her words would get through Rachel, despite Santana's harsh words.

—For once Rachel we actually have your best interest in mind.

—Please don't do it. Quinn almost did not care that her sentence sounded like a plea. All she wanted was for Rachel to _not _do this scene. It was ridiculous. Rachel was more talented than this.

Rachel looked at Quinn but did not reply.

They left the Hummelberry apartment with no definite decision from Rachel. She promised to inform them as soon she has decided. She profusely thanked Quinn and Santana for coming. As their conversation was coming to a close, Santana looked at Quinn briefly. From the look on her best friend's face she knew Quinn wanted a hug from Rachel.

_Oh fuck this. _Santana cursed under her breath, and leaned in to hug Rachel. The small brunette gladly accepted Santana's hug and afterwards leaned towards Quinn to give her a hug as well.

Rachel was oblivious to the big smile on Quinn's lips as she wrapped her arms over Quinn's shoulders. Thank you for coming, she whispered.

Quinn whispered back, You're welcome.

Santana beamed. For the first time in months, Quinn was happy. Genuinely deliriously happy. She almost thanked the director of the student film for this. _Almost._

The next day Quinn and Santana received a text from Rachel asking to meet them. Quinn was visibly elated to see Rachel again and to know that Rachel decided not to pull out from the film.

—Thank you guys so much. It's what my dads always say, you can't make new old friends.

—No regrets?

—None. But do you guys have to go? Could you stay a little bit longer? 'Cause I would love to buy you dinner.

Quinn beamed at Santana, hoping she'd say yes.

—I'm in.

—Sure.

—Good.

Santana was positive Quinn's face hurt for smiling too much that day. She smiled althroughout dinner, and is still smiling now as they settle in their hotel. She couldn't help but hit Quinn's face with a pillow.

—You're so lame, Quinn.

Quinn was too happy to care.

**12.**

Quinn knew she could not stay in her happy bubble any longer. Spending two days with Rachel was not enough to dispel the reality that Quinn was still seeing her professor and Rachel is still very much into her boyfriend, who they did not meet during their brief stay in New York, to Quinn's relief and Santana's dismay. Santana really wanted to see the guy who replaced Finn.

Quinn realized that being around Rachel—even just as a friend—was what makes her truly happy. She decided to stop _trying _to find happiness with a person she erroneously thinks could help her forget Rachel because it was, simply, impossible.

She couldn't wait to tell Santana that she broke it off with...Professor Patches, as Santana liked calling him, but her best friend was, again, busy in Lima. She was starting to worry that Santana cannot move on from her break-up with Brittany. She always came back to Lima whenever the blonde needed her. Quinn knew how much Santana loved and needed these "Lima breaks" she kept having during the semester. And Quinn learned to let her be. It is, after all, what makes her happy.

Quinn did not have to wait long to hear from Santana. The girl called her one night while she was busy working on a paper for her Psychology class.

—How was Lima?

—Same old.

—Britt doing ok?

—Yeah. Still with Sam though.

—Oh. That sucks.

—I know.

—You want to talk about it?

—Actually I called for a different reason.

Quinn closed typing on her laptop and focused on her conversation with Santana.

—What did you do? She asked, worried.

—I MOVED IN WITH KURT AND BERRY!

—You what?!

Santana went on to explain her recent decision to move to New York to follow her dreams. Kurt and Rachel were happy to have her, Santana said but Quinn knew those two better to know that they were probably too shocked and maybe a little bit scared to contradict Santana.

—Santana, I have one question.

—Q, if you're wondering if Britt's ok with this. Don't worry, she is. She was the one who convinced me to do this.

—No, actually that was not my question.

—Oh. Go ahead.

—What _is _your dream?

Quinn knew Santana well enough to know that the silence on the brunette's part meant she was still trying to figure it out. Quinn was content with hearing that Santana sounded happier now compared to how she was in Louisville.

Santana added, Now I can give you first hand information on Berry and her boytoy.

Quinn did not know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

**13.**

Considering that both Santana and Quinn were recently single—not that Quinn would bring Professor Patches to Mr. Schue's wedding even if they were still together—they decided to go together. According to Santana, Rachel and Kurt flew to Lima a few days early to catch up with Finn and Blaine, respectively.

Quinn couldn't help but raise an eyebrow on this news.

Rachel's still with that Brody guy but according to her they're not exclusive, Santana explained. I have to be honest, Q, I have to give it to Rachel for being bold enough to try that.

Quinn couldn't believe Rachel would agree to such a thing. _Maybe she didn't love this Brody guy that much. _

—Who knows? Maybe you have chance.

Since Santana was trying to avoid Brittany and Quinn wanted to avoid her family, they decided to share a room at the hotel where the reception was going to be held. They were convinced that it was a practical plan only to regret it the later.

Quinn was excited to see Rachel again. She hoped that with Rachel's New York boyfriend out of the way, even temporarily, she could spend time with her. As she and Santana waited for the ceremony to start, Quinn looked around, trying to spot Rachel and consciously ignoring Santana's foul mood brought about by seeing Brittany and Sam sitting together a few rows in front.

Santana nudged her shoulder and gestured to the second row from the front. She saw Rachel congratulate Mr. Schue with a kiss on the cheek. Quinn caught her breath, seeing how beautiful Rachel looked in her pink dress.

Santana smirked and teased her friend, You got some drool on your chin, Q.

—Fuck off, Santana. She was red, both from anger at Santana's joke and from shame at being caught ogling Rachel.

—Oh, someone's feisty.

—Cut it out please.

When they find out from Coach Sue that Emma has left the building, the glee kids immediately asked Santana to talk to Mr. Schue to ask his permission if they could still go through with the reception. To all their relief and delight—except Finn, who was visibly upset but no one cared why—Mr. Schue agreed.

If Santana knew that continuing with the reception would mean she will constantly see Brittany and Sam dancing close to each other, having fun, she would not have asked Mr. Schue's permission. But now, the mistake was made. She couldn't leave now, knowing Quinn really wanted to spend time with Rachel.

Quinn was on her way to Rachel when she heard Blaine started to sing. It was a good opportunity to ask her for a friendly dance. But she stopped in her tracks.

_Oh god this can't be happening again._ She saw Rachel make her way to where Finn was seated, still looking visibly shaken, as if he was the one who was left at the altar. Quinn continued to watch their conversation happen before her eyes. Rachel was trying to explain something to Finn. He sort of smiled. To Quinn's utter dismay, Rachel held Finn's hand and led him to the dance floor.

Quinn rushed to find Santana. The brunette was surprised that Quinn yanked her quite forcefully towards the bar but she agreed that it was a good idea. While waiting for their drinks, she asked, I guess it didn't go well with Berry.

Quinn rolled her eyes and squinted at the dance floor where Rachel and Finn were dancing sloppily with Brittany, Sam, Mike, Artie and this other girl in a wheelchair. They looked like they were having so much fun Quinn had to look away. She was thankful to Santana for their endless round of drinks. She was in the middle of a tequila shot when she felt Santana nudged her.

—Look, Sue's throwing the bouquet.

—Do you honestly want to line up for that?

—No but look who's lining up.

Quinn focused. She noticed Rachel—and is that Sam?—making her way to where everyone was gathering for the toss. Santana whispered a simple, Let's go, and dragged Quinn over to the group. Quinn was too drunk to care if she got the bouquet or to wonder why Rachel was lining up.

However, Quinn realized that she was not drunk enough to ignore Rachel and Finn as they made their way to the stage to sing a song. She was looking around to find the quickest route out—she _will not _and _could not _stand this anymore—when she felt Santana tug her wrist.

—What-

Santana led her to the dance floor. She looked at Quinn and said, I know this sucks Quinn but let's try not to make them ruin our night, okay?

Quinn looked at Santana and smiled. It was in times like these, when Rachel was being deliriously in love with Finn, that Quinn was thankful for Santana's existence. _Fuck Finchel._ She put her hand on Santana's waist and held Santana's right hand with her left. Santana, in turn, pulled her close by draping her left arm across Quinn's shoulders. It was a really intimate way to dance but Quinn did not mind. This was her best friend she was dancing with. She did not care what the others would say.

—I've never slowdanced with a girl before, she whispered to Santana's hair.

Santana pulled away from the hug to look at her.

She smiled. I like it.

Santana gave her a curious smirk.

They continued to dance althrougout the night. In this roomful of people on Valentine's Day, Quinn felt less alone in Santana's arms. She would feel happier if it were Rachel's arms she was in but since that was obviously not going to happen, she was content with being in Santana's.

Quinn knew that Santana was upset too—knowing Brittany was dancing nearby in Sam's arms. She knew Santana was remembering last year's Valentine's party at Breadstix, where she and Brittany danced the night away.

It was when Quinn saw Finn and Rachel leave hand in hand towards the staircase leading to the hotel rooms that she felt sadness, anger and frustration. She bit her lip at she focused on the expression on Rachel's face. She was visibly happy and in love with Finn. Quinn couldn't believe what she's seeing. After all these months of waiting for Rachel and hoping she would notice her, Quinn realized that what she was hoping for was impossible. Rachel always loved Finn. That no matter what happened they always ended up together. That was what the universe wanted.

_Fuck the universe_, Quinn whispered. She was determined to stop chasing after something that was not meant to be and start appreciating everyone within reach. Especially Santana. She had been there since the very beginning, sophomore year. She was always there then and now. They may have wanted different things in life—Rachel and Brittany, to be exact—but that doesn't mean they _can't_ try.

—What did you say?

—Nothing. I want to go to the room now.

—You okay, Q?

—Yeah. She hesitated before asking, Can you come with me?

Santana shrugged. Sure.

Santana only planned to help a slightly drunk Quinn to get into bed so she could go back downstairs to party with Puck, Mike and the others. But when she felt Quinn hold on to her arm with a little force, she looked at Quinn's eyes.

Quinn leaned forward to capture Santana's lips in a kiss but Santana pulled away. Quinn.

—I need this. _Please_. I know you do, too.

They both knew what they were doing was wrong—Quinn was in love with Rachel, Santana with Brittany. But the sadness, anger and frustration from their failed loves was so overwhelming they could not help but to seek solace and comfort from each other.

When it ended, Quinn realized the various repercussions this may have for their friendship. She did not want to lose her best friend. She sat up on the bed, carefully taking the blankets with her, and looked at Santana at the foot of the bed.

Quinn internally cursed herself for being so weak. It would not have happened if she was not too forceful. Santana was mentally scolding herself for letting a slightly drunk and jealous-induced Quinn lead her into bed. They looked at each other and understood. This happened because they wanted to. But they can learn from it, and still remain friends.

Quinn tried the light approach. So that's why college girls experiment.

—And thank God they do.

—You know it was fun and I've always wondered what it would be like with a woman. But, uh, I don't know for me it was a one-time thing.

—Look you don't have to worry. I'm not going to show up at our house with a U-Haul.

—So, what happens next?

—You could walk out first or we could make it a two-time thing.

Quinn laughed. If we weren't sharing this room I would have left but since we are, I'm just going to politely ask you to please put on some clothes so we can sleep in peace.

Santana smiled. Q, we're okay, right?

—Of course.

**14.**

With everything that happened during and after Mr. Schue's wedding, Quinn decided to spend sometime alone to put herself together and decide where to go. She was still having problems with reconciling the idea that her first time with a woman was with her best friend, who is obviously in love with her other friend, while she herself was in love with another person. To complicate matters further, the first woman she slept with now lives with the woman she loves.

_I need to sort out my shit_, Quinn thought to herself.

Santana understood why Quinn has not called her since the morning after the wedding. What happened was confusing to Santana too. What sucks even more is that she couldn't ask anyone for advice because she didn't want to out Quinn and she didn't know who to ask. Her only options as of the moment were Rachel and Kurt and Kurt's boytoy with a British accent. It was driving her crazy.

Even making small talk with the guy was stressful to Santana. His accent was as heavy as Rory's and Principal Figgins'.

Not speaking to Quinn was affecting Santana more than she let on. Unfortunately for Rachel, Santana chose her and Brody to focus her energy and frustration on. It went on for weeks until she finally discovered that: (a) Rachel is probably pregnant, and (b) Brody's a drug dealer.

It led to a confrontation between Santana and Rachel but they resolved it by being mature individuals and hugging it out. Rachel was, in fact, not pregnant and Brody was not a drug dealer but a gigolo. The events in the Hummelberry apartment were so interesting Santana finally could take Quinn's silence. She called her.

—Hel-

—You wouldn't believe what just happened here.

—Hello to you, too, Santana.

—Well, hi, Quinn. Are you done hiding from me?

—I wasn't-

—I understand, okay. I just had to call you.

—Why?

—I have news.

—Good one?

—Uh, I think generally it is good.

—Generally?

—So do you wanna hear it?

—Fine.

—Rachel had a pregnancy scare.

Quinn gasped. Is she...

—Calm your tits Fabray. Rachel's ok and she's not pregnant.

Quinn sighed, relieved.

—And plastic man's a gigolo.

—What does that even mean?

Santana rolled her eyes. Berry's boytoy is a gigolo.

—Oh. After a moment, Quinn asked, does Rachel know?

—No.

—Do you plan to tell her?

—Of course.

—What are you waiting for?

—I confronted plastic man at school the other day. He refused to leave Rachel.

I'm meeting with him tomorrow night. You want to come and defend Rachel's honor?

—No. Rachel doesn't need defending. She can defend herself.

—No, Q. On the contrary, she can't. No matter how far I think Rachel has gone down the independence path, she's still not independent enough to stand on her own two feet.

—What do you mean?

—She's still waiting for someone to sweep her off feet and carry her to safety. She's always waiting for her Prince Charming.

Quinn was quiet.

—And I'm offering you the chance to become that person tomorrow.

Quinn believed Rachel was strong enough to stand on her own two feet. She didn't need protecting. And even if she did, Quinn was afraid to do so for fear of exposing herself to vulnerability. If Rachel finds out it was Quinn who scared Brody away, she would start asking why. With her recent soul searching, Quinn realized that she was not ready to answer the question if Rachel asked. She had a lot of issues to resolve, problems to deal with and questions to answer. She realized, sadly, that right now she is not what Rachel needed. She is not the best person for her. It was with a heavy heart that she told Santana, Call Finn.

**15.**

—You know what they're doing in glee this week?

—No, Santana, I don't. Why would I care?

—Guilty pleasures. Something you really like but you're too ashamed to tell anyone about it.

—Okay.

—What's your guilty pleasure, Quinn?

—What are you even asking me about this? Are you high?

Santana laughed. Sadly, that Brody guy wasn't into drugs so, no. Come on, answer.

—Rachel.

Santana whistled. There you go. Was that too hard?

Quinn ignored her. She was seriously considering hanging up on her friend.

—Then why are you being so... distant? I am actually living with her now and you're not even asking how she is.

—Santana.

—Don't _Santana_ me. I'm immune to you now.

Silence.

—I'm waiting for an answer.

—I'm trying something different.

—Obviously.

Quinn sighed. She might as well explain to Santana. Remembered when I... didn't talk to you? I had time to think. I realized that... I'm not what Rachel needs right now. I'm having-

—Wait. Are you telling me you're giving up on her?

Quinn closed her eyes. This was getting stressful.

—Lucy Quinn Fabray!

—Yes, Santana, I am.

—Why? How could you decide on this without asking me? Why didn't you even tell me you're considering this?

—Santana.

—Quinn, you have been pining over Rachel for god knows how long! You've done things for her, in high school even now, that she didn't even know you did. I'm sure if she knew, she would at least consider-

—Santana, stop.

—Rachel needs someone strong right now. She just broke up with Finn and now Brody. And I can't, I am not that person.

—What makes you say that?

Quinn did not reply.

—You know it's frustrating to have this conversation on the phone with you. You should come here.

—No.

—Fine. I'm gonna hang up now Q, okay. I'm so angry and frustrated at you right now I have to take a breather.

Quinn sighed.

—But I will call you back, okay.

**16.**

Santana did not only call Quinn back, she went to Yale and ambushed Quinn one afternoon while she was at a coffee shop studying for her an exam.

Santana cleared her throat.

Quinn looked up.

—Santana!

—Quinn.

She stood up and hugged Santana. It's nice to see you. Is everything ok?

—You tell me, Fabray.

Quinn was puzzled.

—If I remember correctly, our last conversation went something like this... Oh Santana I'm giving up on Rachel because she deserves someone better like the Great Finn Hudson and I am not enough for her.

—I did not say it like that, she said defensively. She sat down on her chair. Santana took the seat across hers.

—Well I'm not buying it, Quinn.

—I don't care if you don't, she said tersely.

Santana closed her eyes. Quinn was even more stubborn than her sometimes.

—What really happened? Does this something to do about...what happened between us?

—Not exactly.

Santana raised an eyebrow.

—Look, what happened... at Mr. Schue's wedding got me thinking. I mean, why did I sleep with you knowing fully well you love Britt and I love Rachel. Is it just because I saw her and Finn go up the stairs to the rooms? If that's it, then why haven't I slept _you_ in high school? Finn and Rachel are always shoving their relationship in my face, anyway.

—Because you slept with Puck and Sam and flirted with Teen Jesus and Artie.

Quinn ignored Santana's comment. She continued, So I took time off to think what I really want.

—And? Santana joked, Please don't tell me you want _me_, Q.

Quinn rolled her eyes. Could you please be serious?

—I am. But your crazy ideas prevent me from taking you seriously.

—Santana, no, I don't love you. I love you as a friend.

—And?

—I still like Rachel. Love her, even.

Santana waited.

—But at this point in my life, in her life... in both our lives, we just can't do _this_.

—I don't understand. Rachel's single and as of last week you are too.

—I still am.

—Then what the _fuck _is the matter with you? Rachel's having a meltdown every three hours because of her upcoming Fanny Brice audition. She could really use you Quinn.

Quinn bit her lip. This is what she wanted from the start. To hold Rachel's hand as she panicked over a callback or singing a song perfectly. She wanted to be there for Rachel when she needs her. But she realized that life wasn't that simple. It doesn't mean that if Rachel needs someone like Quinn and that Quinn is more than willing and able to be that person Rachel needs, then they would be together. That they would work.

—You're overthinking this too much, Q, Santana reminded her.

Santana may be correct. Quinn may be overthinking this. But to Quinn, overthinking was always better than underthinking.

—I want Rachel. I love her. But I also want us... to be forever. I want us to be ready to make it work the moment we decide to try. I don't want us to try now and fail, because we will, considering my issues and her own problems. I want us to last longer than any of my previous relationships.

Santana was about to speak but Quinn raised her hand.

—I've said it before and I'll say it again, I am not what Rachel needs right now. She doesn't need another person who is as complicated as her. She needs stability. She's trying out new things, NYADA, Broadway, and I am, too.

—Can't you try together?

—Sadly, no.

—I want to be ready for her.

—When will you be?

—I don't know. I'm not there yet but I'm getting there, Santana. But I need time off from Rachel. She added, You're right.

—I am?

—I have been obsessing over her for too long that it has come to the point where I'm afraid my idea of her does not coincide with who she really is.

Santana did not reply.

—I know she's great and everything but... to be honest, I was sure that I knew the _real_ Rachel, the one who was determined to graduate from high school to go to New York to chase her dreams. That nothing will stop her. But seeing her, over the past year, to come back and forth Finn and Brody only to come back to Finn again, I realized... I don't know her anymore. I guess, I've been so scared to talk to her all this time that I deprived myself of the chance to get to know her as she changed to who she is now.

—Quinn, give her a break. She's had a tough year but that doesn't mean she's not the Rachel you fell in love with.

—I know. What I'm saying is, _I _have changed, as well.

Silence.

—So what did you mean when you said you need time off from Rachel?

—I should stop obsessing over her.

—Which means, you won't ask about her?

Quinn nodded. Yeah, that and other things.

—So I won't get to see you, then?

—Of course not. Aside from being my constant source of Rachel-related news, you're also, more importantly, my best friend, Santana.

—Good. I would need my best gay now that I'm dating again.

Quinn smiled. I think you should rethink asking _me _about relationship advice.

—No. Aside from Rachel, you were pretty much rational when it comes to relationships, she joked.

After a moment of silence passed, Santana asked, You sure about this?

—Yes.

Santana did not fully agree then with Quinn's decision. But seeing the look in Quinn's eyes, she understood that Quinn was not seeking for a friend's approval. What she needed was to share her decision with a friend she knew will understand. At that point, when Quinn sat across Santana in that coffee shop telling her of her decision to let Rachel go, Santana knew that there was nothing she could do to change Quinn's mind. She knew Quinn well enough to know that she has spent a lot of time weighing the pros and cons of her decision. She has, therefore, convinced herself of the rationality, of the logic, of her decision to let Rachel go for now.

Santana hated to see such love go to waste. But it was not her decision to make. Quinn has already made it.

It was with a heavy heart that she hugged Quinn goodbye that night she went back to New York. She believed her best friend was making a stupid albeit rational decision to let go of the one she loved. But if there's one thing Santana learned from the events of the past year, it was to let things run their course.

As Santana sneaked back in their apartment that night, she was careful not to wake Rachel or Kurt because it was a weekday and they had classes in the morning. She was, however, surprised to see Rachel in her blue pajamas rubbing sleep out of her eyes.

—Santana? Did you just got in? What time is it?

—Sorry. It's about 1am.

—Where have you been?

—Yale. I saw Quinn.

—Oh. Is she okay?

—Yes, she is.

-The End-


End file.
